I want to eat that! ...but I shouldn't

I have 18 days to lose 4 or 5 lbs.  I really want McDonald's on the way home.  I've been eating perfectly - well 99% perfectly and I really want a bacon egg and cheese biscuit.  We'll see if I can resist or not.  Its not the end of the world if I do- but will I feel defeated if I eat it?  IDK... I'll try to resist it. 

Still no bracelets- I really want a bracelet!! I know they will be piling up (at least I hope so) as soon I have the surgery- but I want it nooooooow (my Varuka Salt immitation). 

The scale moved and I'm done with my 6 months!!

In order to get approved for surgery, there are MANY things you have to do---
1. attempt 6 months of Dr. assisted weight loss
2. Lose a certain amount of weight based on your BMI - I have to lose 10 lbs from my start date.
3. You need to have a sleep apnea test, all vitamins checked, EKG, Girl test, scope, psych evaluation -- and whatever else I may be forgetting.

Today was the last day of my 6 month Dr assisted Diet,  I'm not done seeing Dr. Malec, but for the weight loss portion I am done!  (yay!)
I ate very little yesterday and nothing today and took water pills-- I ended up being down 4 lbs from my last visit with her.  I still have 5 lbs to go to qualify for the surgeon.  I still have several weeks left for that weigh in so it should be ok.

I met with the fitness trainer the other day and they told me the opposite of what my surgeon told me for working out-- so yeah, I'm a little confused,  I'm taking the stairs more at work and other steps like that.  I need to increase my working out time though-- by alot and quick.

Today I called about money - I was FREAKING OUT about how I am going to pay for all of this-- insurance companies are a nightmare to deal with sometimes.  I'm trying to make sure everything is lined up before I start incurring a ton of expenses without any way to pay for them.  I think its all figured out though.

I called Kellie today to ask a million questions- first I asked her if she had time to talk- she said yes- so I starting asking and talking-- then she says 'I'm with a patient' OMG- I just asked you if you had time and you said yes.... grrr!  I felt like an idiot then.

I also snapped at Paul today- maybe its from the low blood sugar or something???  I didn't sleep so well last night- that may also be why I am cranky.  Evan was not feeling well (he pulled his neck from doing forward rolls down the stairs) and was very needy yesterday and last night.  He woke me up about 20 times.
I told a few more people via email about the surgery- but still not my sister yet.  I'm just still not ready to have a big long discussion about it. 
The worst is when People don't respond at all to letting them know about it.  (Bridget and Nina)  that is just weird- and I don't know how to react to that.

Last week my sister in law had a miscarriage- my mother in law told us- not them yet.  I feel bad for them- also there is all kinds of junk happening in Japan from a huge earthquake-- I'm sure she's super stressed right now--- I feel super stressed too- but mine is obviously different.

The scale isn't moving.

I went into work for a tiny little shift and weighed myself on the gym scale after work.... it didn't move down at all.  I was disappointed.  I stepped on and off the scale over and over seeing if it would change its mind... it didn't.  I'm still eating perfectly- well, I had a part of a bun the other day- but only part.  Way better than I normally eat.

I am completely utterly exhausted all the time- I could sleep non-stop.  I think it may be the caffeine withdrawl.  I hope that's all it is.  I was hoping the Synthroid would offset that - oh well.

I bought a bunch of bottled water and Crystal Light for home.  I'm going to be going thru the Crystal Light really fast.  (is it lite or light?) I also have lots of stomach aches I think from the shock of healthy food in my system. 

I'm mentally drained and physically exhausted.  I feel like a slug.  I have to quickly figure out how to reverse all of this. 

I'm still excited and anxious about the surgery- but right now its more anxious about losing these stupid 8 lbs.  I need to weigh in again at the work scale tomorrow because my scale at home moved a little- well, a lot actually... but I have no idea if its accurate or not.  I can't imagine I lost 7 lbs in a day... so I'm thinking I either need batteries for the digital scale upstairs or I need to invest in a new scale altogether.  I need to start obsessing about the scale like I did when I was thin.  I need to think thin thoughts again, not fatso thoughts.

I also told Evan last night about the surgery. He cried at first and said he didn't want me to have it- but when I explained more about it and how it would make me skinny - he seemed pretty happy about it and told his dad 'mom is getting a surgery so she won't be fat.'  BTW I hate the word 'fat'.  I despise it.  At least having it pertain to me.

The Team that I'm going to

Our Team

At Akron General, we understand that obesity is a disease, and you need a team you can trust if you're going to beat it. Led by experienced surgeon Walter Chlysta, MD, FACS, our team includes dietitians, psychologists, registered nurses, health and fitness professionals and surgical technicians, all focused on preparing you for surgery and helping you keep the weight off after surgery.

Ohio native, Walter J. Chlysta MD, FACS, is a Board Certified general surgeon with a practice that focuses on general surgery, endoscopy and other advanced laparoscopic procedures.

As one of the few Northeast Ohio surgeons who offer the laparoscopic gastric banding procedure and the laparoscopic gastric bypass, he has performed over 300 laparoscopic Roux-en-Y surgeries and over 50 gastric banding procedures during his 16 years of experience with laparoscopic surgery. Vertical sleeve gastrectomy has recently been added as another option for weight loss.

His background is as follows: Dr. Chlysta graduated with a Bachelor of Science from Kent State University with dual major in chemistry and pre-medicine; was inducted into Alpha Omega Alpha Medical Honorary Society; and graduated Cum Laude with medical degree from The Ohio State University College of Medicine. He completed his surgical internship and residency at Akron General Medical Center. Dr. Chlysta’s main clinical interest was advanced laparoscopic surgery.He went on to receive additional training in advanced laparoscopic surgery at The Yale Laparoscopic Center in New Haven, Connecticut.

In 2001, he was Board Certificated by The American Board of Surgery, and appointed Assistant Professor of Clinical Surgery at the Northeast Ohio Universities College of Medicine. In 2003, he was granted Fellow status in the American College of Surgeons (FACS), and then admitted as a full member of the American Society of Bariatric Surgery in 2004.

Dr. Chlysta was appointed Medical Director of the Bariatric Center at Akron General Medical Center in 2005.

      

June Adams, RN, Operating Room	Adriane Bennett, PhD, Psychology Services Services	Cathleen Burke, RN, CBN, Bariatric Center Program Coordinator	Michelle Dudek, MPT, Supervisor of Rehabilitation Services
Rose Fowler, Secretary for Dr. Chlysta	Chris Freas, PT, Physical Therapist	Alan Gilbertson, PhD, Chief of Psychology	Kellie Huey, Secretary for Bariatric Center
Kim Knopp, MS, RD, LD, CDE, Registered Dietitian	Kathy Kolton, RN, Manager Surgical Services	Renee Markovich, MD, FAAFP, Associate Program Director, Center for Family Medicine	Joshua McNatt, MD, Green Primary Care
Joyce Moore, Director of Nursing 52A	Marc Shultz, Surgical Assistant, Operating Room	Cindy Smith, Secretary for Psychology Services	Jodie Weckbacher, Surgical Technician

Kellie is awesome!  Without her, I wouldn't have chosen Akron General.  My Shrink is not pictured in here- she must be newer.  Kim is the Dietician I deal with.

Good write up on the Sleeve

taken from: http://www.akrongeneral.org/portal/page/portal/AGMC_PAGEGROUP/Clinical_services/BariatricCENTER/Laparoscopic%20Sleeve%20Gastrectomy

Laparoscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy

Vertical Gastrectomy or Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG), was first developed in 1993 and was further revised and then offered to morbidly obese patients in 2001 for weight loss. VSG historically had been performed only as the first stage of Bilio-Pancreatic Diversion with Duodenal Switch (BPD-DS) in patients who may be at high risk for complications from more extensive types of surgery. These patients’ high-risk levels are due to body weight or medical conditions. However, more recent information indicates that some patients who undergo a VSG can actually lose significant weight with VSG alone, and avoid a second procedure. It is not yet known how many patients who undergo VSG alone will need a second stage procedure.

 The Sleeve Gastrectomy is an operation that limits how much food you can eat by significantly reducing the size of your stomach (by 75% or more) but does not lead to decreased absorption of food. The left side of your stomach is surgically removed, resulting in a new stomach, which is roughly the size and shape of a banana and holds 2-3 oz. It is carried out laparoscopically with 5 or 6 very small incisions, and is therefore much less traumatic than open surgery, with a shorter healing time and less risk. Since this operation does not involve any "rerouting" of the intestines, it is a simpler operation than the Gastric Bypass, and you will suffer none of the side effects experienced by bypass patients because your digestion is unaltered.

The portion of your stomach that is removed is responsible for secreting Ghrelin, which is a hormone that is responsible for appetite and hunger. By removing this portion of your stomach, this possibly eliminates most Ghrelin hormone production and helps to reduce the sensation of hunger that people have. The removed section of the stomach is actually the portion that "stretches" the most. The long vertical tube shaped stomach that remains is the portion least likely to expand over time and it creates significant resistance to volumes of food. Not only is your appetite reduced, but also very small amounts of food will give you early and lasting feelings of fullness!

Currently Laparoscopic Sleeve Gastrectomy surgery is a covered benefit for some insurance companies, but may be considered investigational by others.

Eating pretty well (healthy)

Since I started taking Synthroid (4 days ago), I've been tired - I thought it was supposed to reverse exhaustion issues- but I guess I need to give it time or whatever... but sleeping more means eating less because I wasn't awake to actually eat a whole lot.

I've been eating small portions of steak and today I'm munching on salad all day (no dressing).  So far so good.  I'm drinking one Diet pop today but will refill the cup with water for the rest of the day while I'm at work.  I drink lots of water at work- not so much at home though.  I need to figure out how to change that at home somehow. 

Sundays I work til 3AM- which is really hard to work out after work when its so late.  I did sign up for some OT for Weds though so I can work out after I work a whopping 2 hours that night.  I'd like to try to come out to work 1 or 2 nights a week and work just a tiny little shift and then work out afterwards.  I think that will help with my work out goals.  

I do want to get on the work scale downstairs tonight to see if I've lost anything though.  I haven't been weighing myself at all lately.  I know that's probably wrong- but the home scales NEVER match the Dr scales so I almost think why bother.  ? 

Ok- still kinda pumped about my progress... I have to shop for all kinds of good foods though- my house doesn't have much of it.

Finally things are starting to go forward

I haven't blogged in a while because really there wasn't much to blog about.  There finally is stuff to talk about again and I have a renewed sense of excitement.

Now, where to start?

I technically am on my last month of the Dr. Assisted diet with the weigh ins.  Which I really didn't take too seriously to be honest.  I've lost 2 lbs according to the Surgeons scales- which I have tons of excuses why it was only 2 down-- I'll skip that for now.

Bottom line:  I need to lose 8 lbs (to complete my 10 criteria) in the next 4 weeks.  If I do that then he will schedule a surgery date for me.
I'm done with seeing the shrink- it was a complete waste of my time. 
I have a class and a sleep apnea test on April 8th.  I got the day already approved off at work.
I have an operation on April 15th.  Its really just a scope to look inside me and make sure everything is ok for surgery- but they knock you out for it and give you pain medication for afterwards- I guess I can't drive for 24 hours after. 

 I found out that I have a low thyroid (5.6 or something) so I just started taking Synthroid.  I posted on facebook that I'm taking it and a ton of other people are on that too.  They all say it helps.  I hope that will fix my exhaustion issues.  I increased my vitamin D a little- I'm at 29.5 which is still bad (it should be between 40-100).  I would love to have my D at 50 before surgery. 

I could actually have this surgery within the next 3 months.  That is quite exciting to me.

I was going to have a person to go thru this with at work, but she backed out of it and decided to not have the surgery.  Its totally her decision, but it would've been nice to go thru this with someone.

I'm very glad that the thyroid issue was discovered.  It makes me feel validated a little to have a reason for being so tired all the time.  I've only been on it for 2 days - so I see no difference.

Telling people about the surgery ---
I told my mom from the get-go.  She's known forever.  I told a few friends on facebook and other close friends that I trust and my managers too and a few people I sit near (they're going to be hearing me talk to Drs and stuff so I wanted to just tell them so they weren't guessing what I was doing)
I told one of my sisters and a sister in law.  They both had tons of concerns and way too many questions- so I'm really backing off of telling people for a while.  It was really draining for me to go into depth on the procedures and how I came to the decision and all that stuff.  So I haven't told my other sister yet.  Its nothing against her, its just that I really can't handle going thru all of the explanation again right now.  I will eventually tell her- but I'm just not ready to.  I still haven't decided what I'll tell people as they see me shrinking.  I'll be dieting and working out all the time- so diet and exercise is the truth... I don't really want to say 'I had the surgery' because I feel like people will then downplay my efforts to lose weight and get into shape again.  I want all the credit. LOL

Paul is starting to come around and be supportive.  He wasn't unsupportive (sure, that's a word) before, but he's starting to take an interest in things - at least a little.  I'm happy with the amount of interest he's taking. Too much and I'd get angry- none and I'd get angry too.  He knows me pretty well.  :)

 I joined the gym at work a month or so ago.  I actually really go- once a week.  I need to start going more.  Eventually I have to go 5 times a week 30-60 minutes a day.  I'll get there.

I ran into 'I had cancer' (I call her that because EVERY time you talk to her she mentions that she had cancer at least 100 times) - well she just had her surgery 2 weeks ago and she is down 14 lbs already.  She had the sleeve too and she weighs close to what I do I'd guess.  So that was super encouraging to see that its working so well for her already.  And, yes, she did mention that she had cancer when I talked to her.